It’s enough to know the next step

“Publish Blog Post” says Google Calendar. How can I publish what I haven’t written? I’m pretty sure I deleted the last reminder though and I don’t want to skip over this one, so as I brush poptart crumbs from my keyboard, here’s your latest installment of “How long will it take for Ellie to realize the obvious?”

I take very careful mental notes of everything new, whether new people, new ideas, or new experiences. Depending on how much coffee I had that day, I can usually recall with decent clarity the day I first met someone, thought of something, or tried something. I like to live in that moment and think, “One day this will be a memory.” I’ll store up that feeling and later recall just how it felt, just what I thought, and what came out of it.

It’s a good hobby! I think it comes so naturally to me because I always expect something wonderful to come out of everything. Being on the young side, I realize that small things that happen now could lead to huge changes for the rest of my life. People I meet, places I go, they could one day mean the world to me.

But I’ve found myself lately trying to figure out exactly who that is and where that is. I want to know! I want to know exactly where God is leading me, and I want to pay special attention so one day I can think, “I remember how it all started, and how it felt.” Several times, many times, I’ve thought, “This. This is where God is leading me,” but just as often those doors have been closed, those ideas have failed, or sometimes I just decided it wasn’t for me after all.

So you can imagine the tears, the disappointment, the discouragement, when I am called just to wait and pray. I’ve been tempted to think and feel that there must not be a plan for my life at all. I think I’ve forgotten that waiting and praying isn’t a bad thing, in fact, it can be very, very good.

It also came as an epiphany (although it should have been obvious) that I don’t need see the entire plan before I take the first step. I have so many wonderful adults in my life! As I think of all the conversations I’ve had and all the advice and prayer I’ve received just in the past few weeks, I’m so overwhelmed with gratitude! Maybe I should write a blog post about seeking advice from godly adults. But for now let me paraphrase one of the many helpful people I talked to, “If you believe you want to go to college, than I’d say go ahead and start. You might get a couple semesters in and realize it’s not what you should be doing, or you might get a degree under your belt and decide to go farther. Be in such a relationship with God and be so receptive to the Holy Spirit that you know, not the whole plan, but the next step to take.”

We were talking about college, but the principle applies to the rest of my life too. I can just forget about trying to lay out the whole map of my life. If I can just be so in tune with God that I know the next step, even if the next step is waiting, His plans will come to pass. And I know His plans are wonderful!

With love,

Changes and changes

Would you believe that Tuesday I was walking to the library in 70 degree weather and sweating, but Wednesday we got heavy flurries and I was freezing my toes off inside. That’s just Missouri, but the truth is life! You don’t really know where God is leading. It seems every time I tell myself I’m on top of things, God spins the world again. Yet how comforting to know he is in control! In fact, he planned every single detail from the beginning of the world. He knows exactly where I am going.

I recently met a really awesome young lady who is suffering from debilitating pain. She started treatment four weeks ago, but she has been told she will battle her problems for the rest of her life, and may not be able to run again. Talking with her was extremely encouraging as we shared life stories and what she’s been dealing with. She told me that she knew before her health problems, she had planned to get married, to have children, to teach children–but now, What are you doing, God? She doesn’t know! She doesn’t know why God is putting her through this or what she will be doing the rest of her life–but she does know he planned it all out. She does know is working things for her good. And she does know he loves her.

It could be called, “The art of losing control.” Not meaning we get rid of self control, don’t act prudently, and give ourselves over to fate–but we give ourselves over to God! We surrender our lives to him! He knows where we are going! I myself struggle with wondering where I am going, because I haven’t felt any real strong callings in live, music and writing being the closest thing, and some times I just grow frustrated, like God doesn’t know what I will be doing the rest of my life. So, what will I be doing? I don’t know! But I know that he knows and has it planned out. I know he works all things for my good. And I know he loves me.

What a comfort! That’s what I’ve been thinking about.


-Electric Bubbles