The world can feel like a tunnel sometimes. There is an end, I know there is, but where is it and what will it bring? And why am I not there yet?! Why is there so many ditches where I get stuck? Why didn’t someone poke a few air holes in the ceiling? And why is this icky mud that I ran into last week still hanging on me? Why can’t I get rid of my sin? How come I grow so so painfully slow? The spiderwebs of yesterday and the rocks in my boots all tell me very plainly that I am a traveler. Have you felt like this? Have you wondered at your own horrid feelings and wicked thoughts? I’ve been saved for 20 months and five days now, shouldn’t I be farther along? especially as I’ve been raised in a wonderful church for practically my whole life? But the road is long, and tunnels can seem so dark, and maybe you’ve felt like I have.
The devil seems to be attacking, yet not how I thought he would. Funny how that happens so often. It’s not the huge battle I thought would come, the one I thought I was ready for, it’s a small nagging discontent and bitterness. It’s my own thoughts that I wasn’t prepared to fight.
In other words, I haven’t much shared my thoughts on my blog before, but I needed to say how I feel currently and I also could use prayer. I know the way out of the tunnel, but not the way to get there, if that makes sense. It’s like I know I should turn left, but not sure where to turn left, not sure where to place my foot, and how to keep my balance as I turn.
And now after my babbling, I’ll be posting more of Jonny’s story progress later on.