Stop Dehumanizing Your Opposition

   I’ve been trying to write this for weeks. I sat down a couple of times to write and came up with a dozen scattered paragraphs that didn’t coincide, so to help me collect my thoughts, I had some conversations with people I trust, and I really appreciate them taking the time to listen to me.

After engaging an atheist friend on Facebook, I began to take more notice (and Facebook kept putting into my newsfeed) the memes and tweets that they were sharing about Christianity. I was a bit put off. It seemed this person has nothing but derision for Christians, mockery and blanket statements. Each time I read their posts, I thought, “Don’t you realize that you are alienating anyone who might want to discuss this with you?”

This gave me pause and I began to consider, “Why do they share these posts anyway?”

I can tell you, it wasn’t to engage in dialogue. It wasn’t to understand the other side. It wasn’t even to be understood. It was simply to validate their position, rally to their side, and reinforce where they stood on the issue of topic.

I’m not blind, I’ve seen this all over. But these past few weeks I’ve taken more notice and seen it so abundantly. To my discouragement, I’ve seen it scattered liberally across most Facebook accounts, Christian and non-Christian alike.

Perhaps we are all so wrapped in our bubble of like-mindedness that we don’t realize how scoffing these posts can be until we see it in an opposing worldview to ours. Perhaps we simply read posts that say so concisely what we stand for and share them without considering how someone on the other side is going to perceive it. Perhaps we are simply so drawn to what makes us feel good, we post what we like without much further thought. But we need to stop.

I’m noticing 2 main problems:

1. Posting to validate our position

2. Assuming the intent of the opposing side

First, what’s so wrong about posting to validate your position?

If you take a stand on objective truth, you should not need to constantly validate it.

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Scoffing at the other side, drawing the applause of your friends, boosting your conviction in any area — these are not necessary if what you believe stands to scrutiny and genuine conversation. If you can’t discuss and articulate your position in an honest way, truly seeking to understand and be understood, then your position deserves to be challenged and you need to reexamine yourself.

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Prove to me that you stand by what you believe by getting off of your high horse and discussing it with me. I want to understand. And I want to know that you understand me. If you are making fun of me, then my (correct) assumption is that you don’t understand where I’m coming from. And until I know that you understand me, I’ll take everything you say with a degree of doubt. Your influence on me is next to nothing.

Secondly, perhaps the saddest mindset that is prevalent on Facebook and other social media platforms: assuming the intent of your opposition.

Several times my family members have commented on my political or religious posts or articles that I’ve shared on Facebook with an opposing point of view. You can guess what happened. My (hopefully well-meaning) friends pounced to defend my point of view, villianizing my family member and assuming that a) their motive is wrong, or that b) they haven’t researched this issue or thought about it. I felt like screaming at my friends to LEAVE MY FAMILY ALONE!

Can we just do this?

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Stop assuming pro-choice persons hate babies.
Stop assuming pro-life person hate women or support rape.
Stop assuming atheists persons are hateful or arrogant.
Stop assuming Christian persons are hypocritical or simply traditional.
Stop assuming persons of the Democratic party are all power-thirsty.
Stop assuming persons of the Republican party hate poor people.
Stop assuming homosexual persons are wallowing in sin and loving it.
Stop assuming persons who oppose homosexuality are judgmental.
Stop assuming homeschooling families are religious prudes.
Stop assuming public schooling families don’t care about their children’s education.
Stop assuming anti-vaccine parents are conspiracy theorists.
Stop assuming pro-vaccine parents are brainwashed conformists.
Stop assuming that white persons are racist.
Stop assuming that black persons are victims.
Stop assuming anything about someone you don’t know.

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I understand that there are persons in each category that do fall under that stereotype and do a disservice to everyone else, but have the maturity of mind to know that not everyone who holds a position does so from evil motives or lack of information.

What I’m not saying:

I’m not saying it is wrong to challenge the other side or hold hypocrisy and inconsistent reasoning up to the light. But we need to do so in a way that invites civil discussion, not discourages it, challenging the ideas without demonizing the persons who believe those ideas.

I’m not saying that every side is right or true. I believe in truth, God ordained and governed. But let’s be transparent enough to admit that we don’t understand it all and need each other to challenge us and awaken us to things we would not see otherwise.

What I am saying is that we need to be lovingly open to conversation, willing to articulate our position and educated enough to do so (or willing to admit that we cannot.) We need to stop assuming that opposition is all wrong or uninformed, and we need to challenge ideas, not the people who hold those ideas.

Christians, I’m calling you out. Are you simply unaware? By sharing the tweet making fun of Islam, by posting blanket statements about homosexuality, by shutting down discussion with conviction of hatred, you are shutting out the very people God called us to minister to! Every Christian today was not once a Christian, but was once of the world. Of all people, we should have the most love for those who are blinded, the most patience for sinners, the most hatred of the sin itself. Or did you forget that we are to be known by our love. Don’t compromise your beliefs. Don’t hesitate from sharing the truth. Don’t be ashamed of the gospel. But by all means share the truth in love. Remember the forgiveness and compassion of Jesus our Savior to the women at the well. Wife of five different men, and the man she was currently with was not her husband. And yet Jesus extended an invitation of kind discussion with her, leading her to the gospel.

As Christians, we believe that the gospel of salvation is a revelation of God and a work of the Holy Spirit. Until then, spiritually, the world is blinded, but please note that doesn’t mean someone who is not Christian is not educated or a deep-thinker or even un-spiritual. We can fall into thinking that an atheist or skeptic just doesn’t have enough information. How arrogant of us to think in this way. Let us instead love and pray for this world.

As I prepare to post this, I am aware it was written with more passion than most of my posts and it is possible that I have written some inconsistencies of reasoning. I would love nothing more than a civil discussion about a post about a civil discussion. I hope we can all be more aware of the people on the other end of the screen who are reading what we put out.

Sincerely,
Ellie

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Compare Yourself to Yourself (summary of chapter 4 of “12 Rules for Life” by Dr. Peterson)

“Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today.”
~ Dr. Jordan B Peterson

My blog is on its way to becoming a commentary of my life as it has been affected by Jordan Peterson. His understanding of human nature hits life’s problems right on the head. His solutions are so helpful and his reasoning and wisdom go far deeper than any general self-help book.

In his book, “12 Rules for Life: an antidote to chaos” Peterson writes the above quote and dedicates an entire chapter to it. Of the 12 Rules that Peterson covers (each one full of wisdom and necessity), this is one that has impacted me the most.

Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today.

Your life, your situation, is unique among the billions of people on the planet, and the trillions of lives that have been lived through history. Comparing yourself to others is not only unhelpful, it is simply unreasonable. It is unreasonable, not only because your situation is unique, but because there are so many playing fields, and while someone might surpass you in a few of those playing fields, the probability that they triumph in all playing fields is close to nil.

I’ve joked to myself that there are 3 kinds of people in the world.

a. People I admire and want to be like
b. People I admire in some specific aspects
c. and people that I like, but don’t wish to be like

(I guess it’s funny to me because I like people, and liking every stranger on a regular day is my normal, and that’s funny to me.)

I’m finding that more and more of the people that I had previously placed in category a have been moved to category b, because as I grew to know them better, I learned that not every aspect of their life was admirable or desirable. It’s amazing how almost everyone has weaknesses! And I’ve found that many people who I had placed in category b, with specific aspects that I admire, perhaps fitness or attractiveness, I have now seen what was sacrificed in other areas of their life, things I cannot or will not sacrifice, and so they are now in category c. I like them, but I don’t wish to be like them.

More productive than comparing myself to others is comparing myself to who I was yesterday. I want to be growing. I don’t believe anyone is truly stagnant. If you aren’t growing in character and maturity, you are still growing in age, and that means you are sinking in character as compared to your age and experiences. I always want to be growing in proportion to my age. I want to be a little better than who I was yesterday.

Peterson recommends 3 questions to ask every day.

1. What bothers me about my life? (Or, what needs to change?)
2. Could I do something about that?
3. Would I honestly do something about that?

We are not our own slaves. We must negotiate with ourselves as if we were valued employees; we must make it worth it to ourselves to do said task. If we set too large of a goal — it won’t get done. What can you do today, and what will you do today? What would make it worth it to you to do that? For me, just sitting on Pinterest with a cup of coffee is a great reward. If I reward myself well, pay myself for the work I put in, I’m more likely to keep working. Think: valued employee, not servant.

If the answer is “no” to any of the 3 questions, aim smaller. Once you’ve done this thing, reward yourself whatever you promised yourself. Don’t punish yourself by making yourself do more work.

As you improve, just a little every day, you will inevitably aim higher and higher. By starting small and gaining momentum, you set yourself up for success in greater things.

Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today.

 

With love,
Ellie

Conversations About Life Podcast: featuring Me and Jonny

My father has started a podcast called “Conversations About Life.” As his first guest, I feel very honored!

I think the podcast is off to a great start and I had an enjoyable time talking about my courtship along with Jonny.

Click the signature to go to the podcast, or the link is below.

https://willjackson.com/a-newly-married-couple-discuss-their-courtship/

“Never give up what you want most for what you want today.”

― Neal A. Maxwell

Days that Drag

Did you know that adults who have prescribed medications, of those who get their medications filled, 70-75 percent admit to not taking them as prescribed, meaning they skip doses, take less than the recommended amount, or stop taking them sooner than instructed. We are better at giving our dogs constant medication than we are ourselves. The main problem is that we aren’t taking care of ourselves because a lot of people don’t really like who they are.

Jordan Peterson, (my mentor and inspiration in a lot of ways,) pointed this out with the encouragement to treat ourselves and negotiate with ourselves as we would with a dear friend. Because the slave driver mentality isn’t working. We aren’t our own slaves, we have to be encouraged and negotiated with.

I have a lot of days, more than I’d like to admit, when I simply get out started on the wrong foot, days when I’ve spent too much time watching a video or playing a game and find myself rushed, disorganized, frustrated, and most of all lazy.

I used to hate myself on these days. I used to despair thinking that a productive life-style wasn’t in me, and that I was lazy forever.

But since hearing Jordan Peterson, I decided it was only fair to myself to give myself the advice I would give to my best friend, the person I care most about, because that is probably the advice most helpful.

If your friend had just had the day you had, what would you say to them?

“Yeah, today sucked, but the rest of your week has been great, and you can finish strong. You were lazy all day, but you can use the rest you got today to get things done tomorrow. Besides having this bad day, this week has been better than last week, and that’s your goal. Just make every week better than your last.

“Just be growing. If you aren’t growing as fast as you want, don’t be discouraged, none of us are who we want to be. But as long as you’re growing, you’re okay.”

“Tomorrow, don’t start like you did today. Don’t get your phone, because you know you don’t really want to start like that. Start by taking a moment to thank God for the day and for your life, and that will set you up for the day you want and the mindset you need to have.”

 

Sincerely,
Ellie

 

Married half a year – how I’m a different person

Greetings to my greatly neglected readers. I could apologize day and night for not writing, but the truth is, my life is very good right now, and all of the good has kept me very busy and preoccupied, and I’m not sorry for that.

I have been going through a lot of growth, as I suppose most newly-weds do, and I have longed to share what I’ve been through (little as it is) and also log my progress.

April 7th I married my best friend. Jonny has shown me so much grace in our 6+ months of marriage, simply by his unconditional love. I admire him so much, and seeing how he loves me is still overwhelming at times. In fact, now that we’ve been together half a year and I know he has seen these sinful sides of me, I can’t even convince myself that he’s in love with a fake version of me. He knows me better than anyone else could, and he still loves me. How amazing is that?

And I know God knows me deeper and more intimately than Jonny ever can, and yet Christ gave his life to redeem me. I can’t say enough about this, but I can’t find words to express this.

Aside from this spiritual walk, I have grown in life style changes. I’ve always been encouraged by my dad and my family to eat healthily, exercise, keep my space clean, and honestly, I didn’t follow their lead very well. But once I was married, in my own home, I realized Jonny wasn’t going to enforce this for me. Jonny is very kind and easy-going. He hasn’t asked me to change at all, and I love him for that. But I knew that I wanted to be better. I didn’t want to wake up at the last minute, throw a doughnut in my mouth, and dash out the door to work. I didn’t want to spend hours on my phone and not get my dishes done. I really didn’t want to feel tired all day, and believe me, a few months ago, I was SO tired ALL day.

1st – I cut out what was getting in my way. I wasted way too much time on my phone doing meaningless tasks. I ate foods that I didn’t really like, but they were convenient, and they didn’t give me energy or make me feel good. I examined activities, events, and habits that were hindering who I wanted to be.
(Disclaimer right here: don’t think I’m super self-willed. I still struggle with all of these things, but it did help to identify them. I haven’t made progress since last week, it’s true, but you bet I’ve made progress in the past few months! I’m in it for the long-haul, and having made this much progress, I am inspired not to lose it!)

2nd – I identified 4 areas I would especially like to work on.

• Health and Diet
• Time Management
• Budgeting
• Self-Growth

3rd – I made goals. I needed goals that were EASY, just a step ahead of what I was doing at the time. Because I know myself too well. If the goals were daunting, they would never get done. At the same time, I needed goals that would show me some progress, because I knew that would give me motivation to continue.

1. Learn a new healthy recipe each week and make it. One of my problems with eating healthy foods was not knowing how to make it, so this helps!
2. Exercise 10 minutes 4 days a week. 10 minutes isn’t a lot. It’s hard to make excuses for not squeezing in 10 minutes of time. And I knew I’d increase the time later on.
3. Write down 3 things every morning and have them done at the end of the day. (Jordan Peterson says the reason you can’t follow a schedule is because you make a schedule of a bunch of things you don’t want to do. Instead, make a schedule of your perfect day and you have a much higher chance of sticking to it. This has helped me so much, you wouldn’t believe it!)
4. Examine spending at the end of every week. That’s it. I simply wanted to be more aware.
5. Spend 30 minutes 4 days a week on self-growth and learning.

Those were my initial goals. Since then, I’ve had a much better idea about what’s most important, what was too hard or too easy, and I’ve modified these goals and done my best to turn them into habits.

I got emeals on my phone to help with meal planning and recipe finding.

I began working out to youtube videos in our basement or living room, and now, I enjoy running more than I ever have in my life. As soon as I get up in the morning, I run for about 5 minutes in the basement, just to wake myself up and it feels AWESOME.

I started listening to podcasts on a regular basis, getting better in touch with politics, philosophy, and life style improvement.

Honestly, the budgeting goal really dropped out. I don’t review my spending much, because I really don’t buy much anymore besides groceries, and I’ve gotten better and being frugal when it comes to food.

I try to be conscious of wasted time and I actually make schedules every few days because I feel like it, and I stick to schedules and routine better than I have ever in my life – because they’re schedules and routines of things I actually want to do.

Another disclaimer: As long as I have been alive, I have been the laziest person I know. And this is still partly true. I don’t have a lot of disciple and self-will. I still don’t. I still have a lot of days (more than I’d like) where I can’t make myself do anything productive and I spend wasted time in bed on pinterest. I still eat things I know I shouldn’t and later regret it. And saddest to me, I still struggle to spend time with God in the word and prayer on a regular basis. All that said, I am improving. Another thing Jordan Peterson has said that has changed my life, was his encouragement to make every week better than your last. If last week you met 20% of your goals, meet 21% of them this week. When I first heard that, I thought, “I can do that.” And I have. I’ve been getting better. I am not where I want to be, but I’m headed in the right direction.

So that’s where I am today. Way behind where I want to be, way ahead of where I was. And I’m thanking God daily for my husband. He’s very supportive. I’ve asked him several times to tell me what area of my life I need to work on, and he won’t. He says I don’t need to change, but when I have improved, he’s praised me and made me feel great for doing it. Is he perfect? We’ve been married half a year now…..Yeah, he’s perfect, at least perfect for me.

 

With great caffeinated well-wishes,

Ellie

 

P.S. Are any of my readers doing NaNoWriMo this year. I really want to, but I’ve never won while I also had a job….And I haven’t had ANY time to plan….Sounds fun!

P.P.S. Just mentioning NaNoWriMo on my blog — I feel like I’m 18 again!

Lots has happened

So….last year around April I posted last. Also last year in April I started a relationship with this guy….and believe it or not, we met on this blog 5+ years ago. So I guess this blog has really changed my life. That’s kind of amazing! God works in mysterious ways. I never would have imagined that I’d meet my future husband online. What’s that? “Future husband?” Yes, we’re engaged….I haven’t been blogging any of this? I guess not. That’s embarrassing. The most important year of my life so far and it isn’t even on my blog for all the world to see….
Well! You know what they say! New year, new me! Just kidding. It’s still Ellie. I haven’t changed at all since December 31st, 2017. But I might just start blogging more….Or not. But either way, here’s some of the news you missed!

Jonny proposed, and it made the news.
http://www.kmov.com/clip/13906608/woman-says-yes-to-surprise-arch-grounds-proposal#.WgyCBwdhAe0.facebook

Here’s our engagement photos:

Isn’t that crazy?
The big day is April of this year. I can hardly believe it! This is going to be awesome….

Entering the New Year with gusto!
Ellie