There’s a lot to report, because obviously, it’s been way too long since I’ve written a blog post.
The reason I haven’t been blogging is not that I haven’t been writing or that I forgot about the blog–it’s that my spiritual life has been very dry for quite some time. At first I made attempts to commune with God and enjoy the testimonies of my church family, but eventually it became clear that it was not succeeding and that I was not living as God would have me. And so I stopped even trying.
This is a confession of my weakness and low self-will. I was tired of working, tired of trying, and I let life just blow by me. I didn’t fight for joy and peace in God, and I was driven to depression several times. I was tossed about like chaff in the wind.
But that isn’t what this blog post is about. I have very little self-will and self-discipline, and I’m terribly lazy. But now that you know that, you can see what a great god God really is!
Even though I was in a slump, crying because I knew I ought to read the Bible but I didn’t want to, God still brought me around and thrust the Bible in my lap and told me, “Back to the basics. You don’t need long hours of prayer and penitence. You don’t need all your theology straight. You don’t need all the wisdom you want, nor all the growth you want. You don’t even need to feel the passion you want all the time. Just set aside a small part of your day for me, and let me give you the wisdom, growth, and passion.”
Very basic, very simple. I just needed to start like I was saved yesterday. Who knows, maybe I was, though I don’t think that is the case.
After months of not reading the Bible and praying, and weeks of depression and knowing that I’ll never find joy again–I’m finally communing with God! I’m reading the Bible, not to impress my friends with the deep theological implications of it, but just to read what it says, literally, simply, and go back to the basics of being a Christian.
Before this dry season (that’s the best way I can put it) I had been ecstatic about all the Lord had given me, family, church, a job, a home, food, trips to Mexico, not to mention a niece.
After I stopped reading my Bible daily and praying often, I lost all the joy I had. I lost all the thankfulness I had, though I knew in my head that I ought to be thankful.
Now I feel like I have it all back.
I have joy in my future since my confidence in Christ has been proven true one more time. I know that my future belongs to God.
There’s a couple people who have already told me they were praying for me. I’m so blessed. So blessed to have the church family I have, the friends I have. I’m so blessed to have the Lord shaping me one day at a time. He is increasing the time I spend in the Bible daily, and even though I know I’m going to fail again and again, I know that He is faithful and so very good.
People have been praying for me, but I haven’t been praying for them. I want to begin again with the strength God has given me to pray for the people I vowed to pray for, and those who need it. Please let me know how I can help you.