I’ve always loved July 4th for more than one reasons. One reason of course is Independence Day. I love running barefoot and cheering and eating cookies at the same time. I also turn a year older. 😀
It was two years ago, the Summer of 2010, July 14th, not the fourth, when I was saved. It was really less of a “receiving Christ” or “inviting Jesus into my heart” or whatever else they call it, than it was a rescue. And because it is my birthday, you must read the post, k?
Just a few days before July 14th, I was planning my birthday party, unfortunately it slipped through, and never happened, but it was actually fortunate, as you may see. But I was doing more than just planning a birthday party, I was planning my life. My plan: get my permit immediately after I turn 15 (still haven’t gotten it btw), get my driver’s license when 16, get a job, pretend like I am a Christian until I am 18, then move out and do my own thing. I was very hardhearted and set against God. I knew that he was there, I could not deny it. I knew that he was not happy with me, but I didn’t like to think about that. And I knew that the world was going to make me happy, because that’s what I wanted most. 😉 Bad logic. I didn’t know it, but there was a many many people praying for me, because obviously, I wasn’t the actor I thought I was.
On July 13th I had a nightmare. I was in my living room, with some other people, and suddenly outside the sky went all dark. Stars started falling and exploding and I knew with a dreadful certainty that it was the end of the world–and I was just as sure that I was not saved. I screamed, Billy was there, but too interested in the things going on outside, and I started pleading with God on the floor, but of course, I had waited too long. It was…very awful. I felt God’s anger very heavily, in fact, I remember looking at the ceiling and it was black. Yeah, whatever, it made sense then. There was a lot in that dream, but I only clearly remember begging God to have mercy, all the while knowing I did not deserve anything. I had spit in his face, rejected him for paltry things, and if you had handed me the whole world I would have tossed it aside. There was bombs, explosions, car crashes, a lot of gunshots, and I just followed Billy around. He’s a nice big brother, all I had for protection, but in the midst of all of that, he was a weak fortress.
When I woke in the middle of the night (right after a fire, I’m almost positive) I was all sweaty and it took awhile to go back to sleep, in fact, I’m not sure I slept at all again. The next day I knew that it was just a dream, but one that could come true at any moment. Jesus would come back, and I was not saved, I was not a Christian, and I was very wicked. Have you seen those cartoons with the cloud hanging over the guy’s head, always raining on him wherever he goes? I remember picturing that in my head, because I felt like God’s anger would not leave me. He was very, very angry, and righteously so. All day went the same, doing all the routine things, whatever, not very talkative (never knew I could get like that, huh?) and continually being haunted.
And haha, it hit me that night, (and I still can’t believe I did not think this thought before, but really I had not thought of it) “My life does not have to stay this way. This can change.” I also remembered me favorite verse, Romans 10:13 (well, it is now) “Whoever calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.” Whoever, and that is what inspired me to pray, because there is no “ifs” “buts” or conditions–Jesus promised to save me. And I prayed that night. I was reading something, maybe Harry Potter, but I wasn’t really reading it, if you know what I mean, and I prayed, I prayed simply that I did not want to world. I did not want God to be angry. I knew very well that I was evil and wicked beyond degree, and I prayed. Then I went to bed, and I don’t remember feeling any different that night. I simply surrendered.
But the next day! The cloud turned to sun shine, and the day was all beautiful. I found myself smiling at everything and simply well, being happy. It was remarkable, the peace and joy, and though sometimes it is hard to feel that joy, I slip away and stumble, it is always there and returns in full force when I repent of sin. And I got to thinking about the day before, and how different today was. Was I saved? How could I not be saved?! I felt loved! I felt forgiven, and I felt like God approved of me. I felt none of that anger that I had felt before. After I cried a bit to myself, realizing I was forgiven, I told my parents, and soon after the rest of my family and close friends.
And that is my story! I have no idea what I will be able to do for God, after all that he has done for me, and I have no clue how he will be using me, but I plan on letting him use me, and I pray that he will use me. And yeah, that. Thanks for reading. ^_^